Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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