Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
