I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
