so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
