I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
