you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
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She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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