I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
