Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
