I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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