She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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