Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
