my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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