Already got asked if we're dating
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Randomize
