I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
