Do you still have your period?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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