i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
