Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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