nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
