6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
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we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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