She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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