sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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