you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
