Apparently you make a good broom.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
