Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
