my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
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he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
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She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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