Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
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We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
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I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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