If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
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