Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
