Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
