I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
