you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
