I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
