respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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