pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
im six kinds of drunk right now
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I need a beard to bite.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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