you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
