Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
