You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Shitshow foam night was such a success
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
