You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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