they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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