Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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