Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you win again, gameday.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
