haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize