I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
