I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Shame - the story of my life.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
