so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
