One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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