She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
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I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Alive.
So much puke
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
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Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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