Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
