Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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