We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
