nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
