hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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