God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize