I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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