yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
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I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
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Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
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