My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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