dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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