My friends, they love my intelligence
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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