I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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