we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
