So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.