Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.