hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
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i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
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Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.