she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.