: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
