Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize