I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
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I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
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If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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