i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
