i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
